so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
