I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
