I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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