3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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