You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
