She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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