It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
