First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
