I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
