Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
