I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
