My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
