The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
