Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
