My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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