he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
