Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
