After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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