Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
