how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
