he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
