we have officially lost it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
