we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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