I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
