I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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