There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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