Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We left the knife in your bed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everclear isn't food dammit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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