The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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