I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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