sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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