You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
