he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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