We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
