my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
