yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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