Got a toothbrush?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
