I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
