Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
