That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
