And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
