well I can't set my house on fire every night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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