Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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