If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
