I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
