I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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