the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
