Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
