Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
