got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
