I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
