just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
