just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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