Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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