2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
