Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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